Have you ever wondered where some of these cable TV companies get their titles, and car manufacturers the names for their products? What then about the rather fanciful names for paint colours?
You see, none of the above can actually be said to mis-represent their wares - they haven't represented them at all! The fact that some of these products fall short of what we might reasonably expect in terms of both quality and appearance seems to have passed unnoticed, so I suppose names sell, and are not just the product of some prat with a twisted mind who's paid to churn out this nonsense.
One TV channel - which purports to feature historical programmes - is a wonderful example of a channel which does not, in fact, feature programmes of an historical nature - unless, that is, you consider Ice Road Truckers, Duck Dynasty, and Storage Wars, constitute important stages in the development of Mankind, and not sensationalist junk about hairy-arsed macho morons with the common sense of lemmings.
Likewise, BL's disastrous Allegro suggested by name nothing of the shoddily-built, bend-in-the-middle, hideously-shaped nightmare that it was, and the Maestro was anything but. Perhaps it's unfair to single-out the now-defunct BL, but you know what I mean. And just what are Jukes, Qashquais, and Navaras anyway?
Paint is even worse, and I very much doubt that there's anyone out there who can tell a colour by it's name unless they have a mental image of 'Early Spring', 'Found Fossil', Ancient Artifact', or 'Love Note'. No? I thought not. And in case you think I have finally slipped the bonds of reality, and passed into that soft, pink, place beyond, let me tell you those are all colours from the current range of a well-known manufacturer with a penchant for Old English Sheepdogs.
Wouldn't it be nice if they were made to use names which gave an honest description of the goods? It'd never work, I suppose, but it's an entertaining thought. We'd have known where we stood with the Austin Bastardo, or the Peugeot Tas de Merde, wouldn't we? So here's to Shit TV+1, The Crap Channel, and the Bloody Repeats Network. Raise your glasses to Mortuary Grey Paint, or redecorate the lounge with a colour from the new 'Pub Closing-Time' range. Possibly 'Technicolour Yawn', or 'Takeaway Pavement'. 'Snot Green' is popular this year, and 'Hypertension Purple' is a timeless favourite.
A little less bullshit and a little more honesty would be soooo refreshing.
