The rather facetious title refers to one of the most controversial buildings in Colchester - if not the most contoversial. It is the building known previously as the Visual Arts Centre, or VAC, and now as Firstsite, or, locally, "that bloody monstrous waste of money". This is no ordinary building, being unusual in form, to say the least, and containing exhibits ranging from a fine Roman mosaic to works of modern art, a title carefully-chosen, as it's the opinion of many that referring to them as 'modern works of art' might imbue them with an integrity that the average Colcestrian does not consider they merit.
Reviews of this golden splendour vary as much as people's taste, as one would expect, and range from "Wow!" (by which I assume that the reviewer liked it) to someone who gave it one star because at least the toilets were clean - this may not seem remarkable to you if you do not live in Colchester. One gentleman who visited noted that one of the art exhibits was a range of sex-toys, which seems rather questionable if you've taken the kids along. Whilst acknowledging that dildos and butt-plugs may have their place in the bedroom (although I believe there is some confusion over the exact location of the place), it seems strange that they can be described as objets d'art, given their intended use and ultimate destination. Although an adjacent pile of rubble separated by mirrors clearly cannot compete with the dildos, it's still unclear as to its significance.
Apparently, it's a "child-friendly place"; well, of course it is, there's nothing like a few sex-toys around the place to give it that family-friendly atmosphere, is there? Admission is free, and there is a cafe, but you could say the same about Dunwich, most of which fell into the sea in the 14th century. The exterior of the building is golden in colour, and looks rather assymetrical. People have likened it to a listing boat, or - perhaps unkindly - as a big, gold, allotment shed that's falling over. It is certainly not to everyone's taste, and the townspeople are still incredulous at the £25 million it cost. Its Uruguayan architect christened it 'The Golden Banana', although many Colcestrians feel it's more of a 'White Elephant'.
The 'Telegraph' commented that the building didn't want to be part of the town, but rather to talk down to it from a height, and this is in line with the general thinking in Colchester. It is very stongly felt that we are being sneered at, that this is an expensive piece of architectural and artistic snobbery that we are not ready for, couldn't afford, and didn't want. It does not fit in Britain's oldest recorded town, and there were other venues more in keeping with what the planners have left of Colchester, than any bloody Uruguayan-inspired banana, whatever colour it is.
It has struggled since it opened, and a panic-stricken Council, trying to save face, have injected huge amounts of cash into it - sometimes, it is said, at the expense of more worthy causes. We had all said, at the outset, that we didn't want it, and many were the suggestions of what a spare 25 million quid could be spent on. Not one of them mentioned an art gallery, but the words 'hospital', 'doctor', and 'the elderly' popped up quite a lot. Of course, it was argued that all these things were funded from a different pot, and - as this money was in the pot marked 'Let's Be Bloody Silly With Tax-Payer's Money' - why not have an art gallery? That should get rid of the cash a treat. It is, at the moment, still attracting a few visitors, most of whom take approximately 25 minutes to not understand it, and then leave, muttering.
It looks better from my bedroom window in the summer, because it is hidden from view by trees, but I doubt it will be long before the planners get rid of them, too. I am, I'm afraid, a follower of Sir Peter Scott's description of art; "One instinctively knows", he said, "if one has hung one of my paintings upside-down".
Indeed.
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