Ever noticed that the higher up in what is now termed I.T. people are, the less they are understood by others? Indeed, there comes a point when contact with the English language (and possibly reality, too) is lost completely.
I have had a shining example appear on my genealogy site (yes, contrary to popular opinion I do have ancestors, and I knew my parents also), and clearly this guy - a Chief Technology Officer, no less, needs help. He starts off fairly reasonably by stating that 'several members have asked for more information on the cause of recent disruption', which is technospeak for about a hundred-thousand people all shouting "WTF's going on?" He then goes on to say that they have to make 'smart and purposeful changes to our infrastructure' - sorry, I'll translate: 'we've been sitting here on our arses in a cosy little world of complacency, we've had a testicular moment, and we are in deep shite'. See? I'm sure you'll get the hang of it. 'This week-end is an example of how our current architecture could still use some updates'. OR 'This weekend was a complete fuck-up.'
You'll all be delighted to know, I'm sure, that Jargon Boy has promised to do a lot of powerful things. For example 'Re-architecting our base development framework' is on it's way, and I for one can hardly wait. Ok, ok, I don't know what it means any more than he does, alright? Not only that, dear friends, but he's going to apply 'additional levels of network and database monitoring, to more quickly detect and resolve problems', or: 'We are going to try to stay awake'.
Now, I'm sorry, but having spent my hard-earned on this company, I don't expect patronising bullshit like this. I ask only that the site works with reasonable efficiency, and that if they wish to make contact with me, they do it in English, which is my only language. It beggars belief that Jargon Boy would expect normal people to understand this clap-trap, but he clearly does. This, I believe, is a measure of just how many light-years from reality he really is. I'm not saying he's ill, oh, no, but just keep him away from anything sharp, that's all.
He will 'evolve the site, and invest in new core product features', so that's alright then, but I've saved the worst until last; he's threatened to keep us informed at all times! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
We have to leverage existing backward-compatible core competencies and customer care so we can hit the ground running and pick the low-hanging fruit, but keep the plates spinning, going forward...
ReplyDeleteAll is not lost! Here, dear friends you see a classic example of what can be achieved with a little thought. Richard has clearly not only learned from Jargon boy, but has put his own inimitable spin on...........er, well, the plates, obviously, but more than that, this is sound managerial thinking.
ReplyDeleteI expect.
ohmygod - I've been married to the Richard who made that comment for almost twenty-five years and I had no idea he was capable of writing this sort of twaddle.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe his dark humour has escaped you. You must have taken your eye off the ball, and thought inside the box just as he hit the ground running. He clearly has a talent for twaddle that should be nurtured. You're gonna have to keep those plates spinning, Delia!
ReplyDelete