Yes, I know it's an odd title, but it contains clues as to the identity of the subject. What, you may ask yourself, is so mysterious and unfathomable - not to say inscrutable - and at the same time clearly aware of its status of Superior Being? Exactly - it could only possibly be Felis Silvestris Catus, or the (un)common Domestic Cat, two examples of which employ us for domestic duties.
Millions of words have been written about them, which, of course, they expect - this is perfectly natural for a creature that was once revered by the Pharoahs. It has taken centuries of patience, knowledge, a little light bullying, some love, and many tantrums, but at last, the training is complete; they now have us precisely where they want us.
It has taken millenia for them to achieve the prodigious feat of taking an upright, intelligent being with complete manual dexterity and a complex language structure, and bend its will to such an extent that it can be very easily manipulated by a small, furry, quadruped that eats mice. They will even allow their human to give them instructions - as one would a dog - which the cat will, if it feels like it, obey, whilst at the same time doing exactly what it likes.
Dogs do what they are told because they are pack animals, and - if you've got it right - you are the leader of the pack, and the dog wishes to please you. Being a Good Dog is vital to its psychological well-being. Cats, on the other hand, wish to please themselves - there are no bad cats or good cats, merely cats that are doing precisely what they want to - and when. Make no mistake - they do not give a flying wossname whether what they're doing pleases you or not, they like it.
Are cats capable of affection - or is it simply a way of getting what they want? Some people say they are capable, others that they're a bunch of users, in it to win it no matter what. My own feeling is that cats - much like us - vary enormously in their characters. Those who know us will know that our Florence -a tiny and gentle little tabby who would not hurt a soul - is unique. Love Flo, and she'll love you right back. She has no hidden agenda, and is possibly the only cat in the universe who likes you to blow raspberries on her belly - usually a recipe for losing your ears. She has trained us well, and it is interesting to see that we are not the only pair of gullible prats who spend hours browsing the cat-food shelves in Sainsbury's trying to find a food that she hasn't got bored with or doesn't like at the moment. Having found one she is keen on, we buy a quantity, and she will immediately go off it! Trying to second-guess Flo is about as easy as not loving her - quite impossible.
Digit, our Polydactile (five toes instead of four and looks weird) nightmare is quite different. She goes from a purring, happy, fluff-ball with the brains of a brick to a psycotic little shit in under a nano-second. Rough, tough, and possibly wearing the wrong jersey when the whistle went, she too is a character, and just as interesting in a different way.
So if you're thinking of getting a cat, remember that everything you've ever read about them is probably true; proud, cruel, arrogant, smug, noted for being thieves and users, they are still curiously appealing. Almost human, aren't they?
Good luck
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